Kenny Wins the Lottery
by SP Princess
Summary: Kenny wins 10 million from a lottery card...but the lottery card was a birthday gift from Cartman...sucky summary. Just READ!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the South Park characters that are actually ON the show...but Megan and my new fankids whom you will find out about in this story.

Kenny Wins the Lottery

by SP Princess

**Prologue**

It was a crisp wintery day in the town of South Park, Colorado, and Cartman, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny were up in Stan's clubhouse playing Go Fish. It was Kyle's turn and he studied his cards carefully.

"Cartman, do you have any sixes?" Kyle asked.

"Damn it! You're jewing me out of all my good cards, you goddamn Jew!" Cartman said angrily, handing over three sixes.

"Don't belittle my people, fat ass!" Kyle said, defending himself.

"Don't call me fat!" Cartman fired back.

"Enough!" Stan interrupted, "I'm sick of playing cards anyway."

"Yeah, Go Fish is gay," Kenny muffled under his parka, "What we should do is get some really hot girls to play strip poker with us!"

As usual, the boys laughed at Kenny's pervertedness and Kenny was pleased with himself.

"So today's your birthday, Kenny, huh?" Kyle said.

"Yeah and every year on me and Kevin's birthdays my mom goes out to buy cake," Kenny said happily.

"Wow...that must cost like all the money you guys make in a month!" Cartman said, laughing.

"Stop being such a dick, Cartman! It's not Kenny's fault he's poor." Stan said.

"Yeah I suppose that's true," Cartman said thoughtfully, "It's his alchoholic parents fault for using all their money to get beer."

"Fuck you!" Kenny said, hurt.

"Hey you better not let your girlfriend hear you talk like that," Kyle said,"She'd be pissed."

"Well that bitch can't run my life," Cartman said, "And I don't have to listen to her either. Next time I see her and she tells me either to do or not to do something I'm just gonna say 'Megan, shut your bitch ass up and get me some Cheesy Poofs!"

"Cartman!" Megan called from below the tree house, "I want you to go ice skating with me."

"Coming, Megan!" Cartman yelled back. He looked at his friends faces who all had one eyebrow raised and said, "What?!? At least I actually HAVE a girlfriend unlike you three losers! And I'm gonna go with her RIGHT now! And not because she told me to either, but because I want to!"

"Do you even know HOW to ice skate?" Stan asked.

"He's so fat he'd probably fall right through the ice," Kyle said, and all three of them started laughing.

"I AM NOT FAT!!! Screw you guys, I'm going home!"

"I thought you were going ice skating," Stan said.

And all of the boys laughed hysterically as Cartman left the tree house.

A sloppy looking cake lay on the table as the McCormicks gathered around for Kenny's birthday dinner. Kenny's mom had got it at the bakery for only 50 cents because it had been sat on. Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Megan had politely accompanied Kenny to the dinner (Except for Cartman, who was forced to go against his will as always) And they ate cake, which Cartman refused to eat because it probably tasted like ass, and everyone got Kenny a pretty decent gift, except for Cartman, who got him a lottery card.

"Here, Kenny, now maybe your family won't be poor anymore!" Cartman said

And later that night, out of sheer curiosity, Kenny scratched off the card just to see if he won anything at all. Even 2 dollars would be good. You had to have three boxes of the same amount to win, and three of the boxes read: 10 MILLION

Kenny couldn't believe his eyes. He showed the card to his parents.

"Mom, dad" he said, "I think I won!!!"

"Now way," Kevin protested

Mr. and Mrs. McCormick looked at the card wide-eyed in disbelief. Kenny's card really WAS a winner. They all went down to the grocery store together to redeem it.

"We just won ten million dollars!" Stuart told the teller.

"Oh my God!" the teller cried.

A/N: Yeah, I know its short and fast, but its a prologue so that means bigger and better things are coming up!!! I just needed to kinda set the story cuz I didn't wanna drag out the whole winning lottery ticket thing. Look out for the opening chapter!!!


	2. Kenny Rich?

Chapter 2

**Kenny...Rich??**

Stan, Cartman, Kyle, and Megan were all standing at the bus stop on Monday morning. It was a snowy day (as usual) and everything seemed ordinary until Kenny showed up. He was wearing different clothes and had, for once, neglected his orange parka. Everyone was shocked.

"Are you sick or something, Kenny? If you are, you better get the hell away from me...I don't wanna get no poor people disease."

"Fuck you, fat ass! And for your information, I'm not poor anymore, thanks to that lottery card you gave me."

"...What?"

"I won 10 million dollars."

Cartman looked stunned, "WHAT???"

All of the sudden, Kyle slapped Cartman.

"AY! What the hell was that for, goddamit!!!"

"I was just making sure that this wasn't one fucked up dream." Kyle said.

"Anyways, I came to ask you guys if you wanted a ride in my parents new sportscar."

"WHAT???" Cartman repeated himself.

Then, Megan slapped Cartman.

"GODDAMIT WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!?!?"

"I was just double checking...you know, what Kyle said about the fucked up dream thing," Megan said.

Mr. and Mrs. McComick drove up just then in a shiny red sportscar, and Stan slapped Cartman.

"OWW!!!" Cartman cried,"GODDAMNIT!!!"

"Sorry," Stan said, "Triple checking."

"Hop in, kids" Mrs. McCormick said.

Cartman didn't say a word the whole ride to school. Even though he had been slapped three times, he still couldn't believe Kenny had won 10 million dollars. In the lottery. From the lottery card that HE had given him. Cartman was very pissed off.

"So, Eric, I betcha you feel pretty pissed off that the lottery card you gave Kenny turned out to be a winner, huh?" Mr. McCormick said from the front seat.

"Mmhm." Cartman mumbled. He was feeling kinda sick at the moment...he didn't wanna talk about this whole lottery thing. The kids got dropped off at school and Mr. and Mrs. McCormick drove away.

"Man, it kicks ass being rich," Kenny said.

"Shut the hell up, rich boy." Cartman snapped.

"What the hell's your problem, fat ass?" Kenny asked, "First you give me shit cuz I'm poor, and now that I'm rich you do the same thing."

"Yeah, and you wanna know why Kenny?? Because you just got 10 million dollars without doing shit while I have been dreaming of having that much money my whole life! That 10 million dollars was as good as mine, but I gave it to YOU without even realizing it! GODDAMNIT IT I AM SO PISSED OFF!!! I hate you, Kenny!!! And I am never ever ever going to speak to you again you RICH SON OF A BITCH!!! I HATE YOUUUUUU!!!!"

Cartman looks around to realize everyone had left while he was throwing his tantrum. He bellowed angrily and shook his fists. This was the worst thing that could ever happen to him, EVER.

"I'm going to figure out how to get a piece of that ten million dollars, even if I have to kill Kenny myself!!"

And all of the sudden, he realized that a kid who seemed to be Kenny was standing next to him.

"Kenny?" Cartman said.

"I'm not Kenny, but Kenny is so rich that he can pay people to get killed for him. So if you want to kill Kenny, you're going to have to kill me because thats my job."

Cartman was silent for a second then shouted, "HE CAN PAY PEOPLE TO GET KILLED FOR HIM??? GODDAMNIT!!!" And he went into school. As soon as he had left, ninjas jumped out of the bushes.

"It is the orange hooded warrior!" one ninja cried, "KILL HIM!!" They pelted Chinese stars at the Kenny stand-in and of course he was killed instantly. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Megan were watching from the window.

"Hey they killed Kenny!" Stan said.

"You bastards!" Kyle said, as usual.

"Umm, guys, I'm standing right here," Kenny said.

"Then who the fuck was that?" Megan asked.

"Oh, I pay people to get killed for me now." Kenny said, smiling.

"You suck ass now that you're rich, Kenny." Megan said.

"Yeah," Stan agreed, "What kind of pussy pays people to get killed for them?"

"You guys are just jealous cuz you're all poorer than me now!" Kenny said.

"No, we just think your a pussy," Kyle said.

"No, your jealous. And I dont need friends like you anymore cuz now I'm rich and I dont have to go to this poor-ass school anymore cuz my parents are going to send me to a private school up in North Park! At least up there I won't have friends that are jealous of me!"

Kenny pulled a cell-phone out of his pocket and dialed a number, "Yes, I'm going to need you to fill in for me for the day."

A Kenny stand in showed up within five seconds. Kenny gave him a tip and left without even saying goodbye.

"Let's just act like none of that didn't happen," Stan said, "Kenny has been poor his whole life, and now that he's rich he's having trouble adjusting."

"Yeah, I agree." Kyle said.

"Um, are you all fucking blind?" Megan said, "He just completely snubbed you. You guys shouldn't put up with shit like that. Go kick his ass!"

"I wouldn't do that!" Kyle said warily.

"Why the hell not? Screw you, then, I'll do it myself!" Megan said angrily.

"Umm...hello?!? BODYGUARDS?" he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh...right." Megan said, calming down.

"You guys better not be hitting on her or else I'll kick you in the nuts!" Cartman said, showing up. He was jealous that Megan was talking to other guys, of course, even though those guys were his friends. He looked at the Kenny stand in, "Is that Kenny?"

"No, dumb ass, it's just another stand in." Stan said.

"Don't call me a dumb ass!" Cartman said defending himself.

"Guys, knock it off. We gotta get to class anyways." Kyle said.

So they dragged themselves to their classroom for another shitty day of learning.

A/N: I'm not bashing Kenny...I know it seems like I am but I'm not. I like Kenny a lot! Also, I know I haven't been updating as much as usual. This is because I'm in my 2nd week of school now and I'm starting to get an assload of homework. Besides that though, I love ninth grade!


	3. Craziness

Chapter 3

**Craziness**

At lunch, Cartman barely touched his food, and whenever Cartman barely touched his food, there was something obviously bothering him or pissing him off in some way or another.

"Oh come on, Cartman. It's not that big of a deal," Megan said, putting her arm around him.

"Don't touch me." Cartman said, pulling away.

"Listen, just cuz you're pissed about Kenny winning the lottery doesn't mean you have to act like an asshole about it!" Megan said angrily.

"Doesn't Cartman act like an asshole about everything?" Kyle asked in an obvious tone.

"Well not to me! He just acts like that to you cuz you're Jewish!" Megan said.

"Listen, just cuz Cartman is acting like an asshole to you doesn't mean you have to act like a bitch to everyone else!" Kyle said angrily to Megan.

"Well just because I happen to be acting like a bitch to you doesn't mean you have to be a pussy about it!" Megan fired back.

"Well just because you..." Kyle began.

"Would you two SHUT THE HELL UP?!?" Stan yelled all of the sudden.

Kyle and Megan shot each other an evil look and all of them (except for Cartman) continued to eat their lunch in silence. It was like that for the rest of the day, including recess. The silence eventually ended at the bus stop as they were dropped off.

"Goddammit I'm hungry!" Cartman complained.

"That's cuz you didn't eat lunch, dumb ass." Megan said, "Come to my dad's house with me. He's got a new girlfriend and she gives me whatever I want cuz she thinks I won't like her if she doesn't. It's awesome!"

"So we can eat anything we want?" Cartman said, cheering up from his bad mood at the mere thought of food.

"Yeah!"

"Sweet! Let's go!" And they took off.

"I wonder what Kenny did today?" Stan pondered after they left.

Kenny looked out the window of his now huge house. He loved being rich, but he was kinda bored without his friends. He figured he should go look for him, even though Cartman might kill him with his own two hands if he ever saw him again. School had probably just gotten out though, and Cartman probably went to Megan's mom or dad's house to stuff his fatass face anyways, so he was in the clear.

"Mom!" he called, "I'm going to go play with with Kyle and Stan!" even though there was really no point in telling his mom OR his dad anything anyways because they never gave a shit about what he did. Money doesn't change stuff like that either.

Kenny found Stan and Kyle down by Stark's Pond playing the "Please Slap Me" game with Pip. That was always funny to watch.

"Well, um Stan, aren't you just going to slap me again like you did the last 27 times?" Pip asked unsurely.

"No, Pip! I won't! Now say it!" Stan said.

"...Please slap me." And of course, Stan slapped him.

"Oh look, its Kenny the rich kid who's too good for his friends." Kyle said, seeing Kenny.

"Um, hi guys." Kenny said, scratching the back of his head.

Everyone down at Stark's Pond just kind of stared at Kenny. Mostly everyone was confused, either that or they didn't care. Kyle and Stan were both mad that Kenny had the nerve to show up though.

"Listen guys, I'm sorry." Kenny said, although he wasn't really that much. He wasn't even sure what he did wrong to piss them off that much.

"Okay, fine. You can hang out with us. But you better not let Cartman catch you down here cuz he's really pissed off at you." Stan said.

"Oh screw him. He's always pissed at somebody or something." Kenny said, rolling his eyes.

"Kenny kinda has a point," Kyle said to Stan.

"Don't you think we should do our homework?" Megan asked Cartman. They were sitting at the kitchen table at her dad's house and snack wrappers and empty plates covered the whole table.

"No, I don't wanna do homework. Homework pisses me off. Let's go find Stan and Kyle." Cartman said, getting up from the chair.

"I thought you hate Stan and Kyle." Megan said.

"Well, no shit! Of course I do, but that doesn't mean their not my friends."

"...What??"

"Girls don't understand anything. Come on, let's go."

"Well what if Kenny's there?" Megan asked.

"If Kenny's there, I'm gonna fucking kill him. Now come on!"

Of course, Cartman and Megan arrived while Kenny, Stan, and Kyle were there. Cartman looked like he was ready to pounce but Megan gave him and idea.

"Cartman, wait! If you don't act pissed off at Kenny, you have more of a chance at his money right? So be nice." Megan said.

"Be...nice?" Cartman pondered the idea for a second, "Now why the hell didn't I think of that? Megan, I owe you. I'm seriously...now come on."

"Cartman don't get mad because you might get a heart attack and die because you're so fucking fat," Kyle said.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that. Hi Kenny!"

"Hi...?" Kenny wasn't sure whether he should stay where he was or run for cover.

"I'm not gonna hurt you Kenny, you can wipe that "I'm screwed" look off your face."

It was so hard for Cartman to just not beat the shit out of Kenny. He was standing right there and not expecting it...the opportunity was just too good. Cartman broke out in a sweat.

"Well I'm glad you're not pissed at me," Kenny said, relieved.

"Uhh...yeah." Cartman muttered.

"Oh wait till you guys see my new room, I have this really big TV and I get like every single channel you can think of...even the naughty ones. And I have my own robot that does everything for me...I don't even have to do chores or anything!!! Being rich is the best thing that ever happened to me!"

Cartman clenched his fists but didn't attack.

"Wow, that's awesome, Kenny." Kyle said.

"And I can buy basically anything I want. And I have a limo that will drive me anywhere...and I start school tomorrow at North Park Academy. I heard some of those rich girls in those school uniforms are REALLY fuckin hot. But the best part of being rich is...well everything really!"

"I...CANT...TAKE...IT...ANY...MORE!!!!!!!!! AUGGGHHHH!!!" Cartman yelled, springing on Kenny. Kenny pulled a taser out of his pocket and shocked Cartman with it. Kyle and Stan thought it was the coolest thing in the world but Megan looked aghast.

"Are you okay?!?" Megan cried as she kneeled down next to him.

"I'm...fine...uggghhhh..." Cartman said.

"Wow, I guess Cartman got his ass kicked," Stan said.

"I know, huh." Kyle added.

A/N: Grr...the chapters always seem to look longer when your typing them but once you read them they really aren't that long. I'm going to have a longer chapter eventually...and now, a note to my reviewers!!

Cartmansbaby - thanks for your review! and also for understanding about my lack of time for updating due to the evil teachers that run my brain with their useless crap! ARGH!

Leela's tears - I'm glad you like my idea about Kenny paying people to get killed for him. Good luck in school!!! School sucks ass I know...

GoodbyeBlueSky - I'm glad you like the story!!! -) Didn't your mother ever tell you patience is a virtue??? lol just kidding

Fry-4000 - Glad you like the story! It makes me feel like I might actually be somewhat ok at this thing called writing...


	4. North Park Academy

Chapter 4

**North Park Academy**

"Kenny, wake up!" Kenny's mom said with her strong southern accent, "It's time to go to your new school!"

Kenny opened his eyes wearily and rolled out of bed. He walked over to his closet jammed with new clothes and stared only for a second at one of his old orange parkas. He sighed and then threw on his school uniform. He took a look in the mirror and debated whether he should comb his hair or not, but his thinking was interrupted by a call from his mother telling him to come downstairs.

He sat down and began to eat some of his non-frozen waffles. Deep down inside of him, he kinda missed the way things were before his family won the 10 million dollars. He couldn't really figure out why. He shrugged and continued to eat. After breakfast he put on his coat and got into his limo. Kenny, Kevin, and their parents each had a limo of their own. It was pretty sweet.

"Off to school, Kenny?" asked Olivia, the limo driver. She was 22 and very very pretty, so of course Kenny had chosen to hire her.

"You know it babe," Kenny said playfully. Olivia just rolled her eyes, "Oh, and can you put on my AC/DC cd? And crank it up."

"How can you listen to that shit in the morning? Wouldn't you prefer something soothing in the morning like Beethoven or Mozart?" Olivia asked.

"Fuck, no! Now put the music on!"

Much to Olivia's dismay, she turned the cd on. On the ride to school, Kenny looked through his bag to make sure he had everything. His cell phone, mp3 player, and portable computer all lay inside where they were supposed to be. Kenny had also tucked in one of his dad's magazines in case he got any free reading time during the day. The limo pulled up to North Park Academy and Olivia let Kenny off.

"Thanks, toots." Kenny said.

"Yeah whatever," and she drove off.

Kenny pulled a very detailed map of the school out of his pocket and scratched his head as he looked at it. He meandered through the school looking for his classroom, keeping his eyes on the map. However, he wasn't looking where he was going and ended up running into a girl who had strawberry blonde hair in two braids. Her stuff scattered all over the floor.

"Hey, watch it!" she cried, bending down to pick up all her stuff.

"Oh my God...I'm so sorry!" Kenny said, as he bent down to help her.

"No, no...it's okay. I can pick it up myself." she said obstinantly. When she had everything picked up, she stood up and discovered Kenny still standing here. She analyzed him for a few seconds then decided to talk to him.

"You're new, aren't you?" she said.

"Yeah, this is my first day!" Kenny said, exasperated.

"Kind of obvious, isn't it?"

"Really?" Kenny said, embarrassed.

"Nah, we were all new at one point in our lives. Anyway, my name is Rachel Field. On behalf of the fourth grade class here at North Park Academy, I'd just like to say welcome." she said, shaking Kenny's hand.

"You talk kinda funny," Kenny said.

"You'll get used to it. Who does it say your teacher is on the schedule you got."

"Sister Joan...wait a minute. My teachers a nun?" Kenny said.

"Yes, of course your teacher is a nun! All teachers in this school are nuns. Sister Joan is my teacher as well. Follow me, please."

Rachel led Kenny to the fourth grade classroom. It was like no classroom Kenny had ever seen before. There were fancy pictures everywhere and it was just really...different. He already missed South Park.

"Sister Joan will tell you where you're supposed to sit when class begins. Now what did you say your name was?"

"Kenny McCormick."

"Kenny? What kind of name is that?? Is it short for something? Because Sister Joan doesn't allow nicknames in this classroom..."

"No, that's really my name."

"Kenny..." Rachel said slowly, with a hint of disgust in her voice, "You might want to put your belongings in your locker before class starts."

Kenny found what was presumably his locker and put all his things in it. He looked at all the kids swarming through the hall. All the kids at South Park Elementary wouldn't even make up half of the population at this school. Kenny felt nervous all of the sudden.

The bell rang and class began. Kenny just kind of sat down in a random seat.

"Excuse me, but that seat is mine." some boy with black hair and glasses said.

By the time the teacher entered the room, Kenny had sat down in 6 different seats that were already taken. Eventually he just ended standing up near the wall when Sister Joan came in.

"Young man, please take your seat," Sister Joan said in a strict tone.

"I'm new and I couldn't find a desk!" Kenny said, sticking up for himself.

"Oh...you must be...Kenny McCormick?" she said, putting her glasses on as she looked at a paper.

"Yeah thats me."

"Well, one child is absent today so you may sit in his seat for the time being until the janitors get you a desk of your own."

Kenny took his seat at the empty desk. Everyone was looking at him funny. He wished he could just blend in like he did back at South Park.

"Okay, girls and boys, it's time to stand up and say your prayers."

"Prayers?" Kenny said out loud.

"Yes, prayers! This is a Catholic school!" Sister Joan said, annoyed.

Kenny stood quietly with his hands folded as the kids and Sister Joan said their prayers out loud. Kenny had gone to Church for most of his life but never really paid any attention to what the priest or what everyone else was saying.

"Okay, class, now it's time to study from our Aramaic books."

"Aramaic, whats that?" Kenny asked out loud again.

"Listen, boy, I don't know what school YOU came from, but here we raise our hands! And Aramaic is a language. I'm sure you'll catch on."

Aramaic, Social Studies, Spelling, and Math was all taught when the lunch bell finally rang. One thing that sure was different from South Park is that the nun lady actually TAUGHT things. Things you were supposed to learn in 4th grade, except for the whole Aramaic thing of course. Kenny followed the other kids to the cafeteria, and got in line for lunch. He got his food, and then looked around desperately for somewhere to sit. All the kids at this school seemed kinda gay so far...they all talked funny and were, like, super smart.

"Hey, new kid! You can sit with us!" the black haired boy with glasses said, coming up to Kenny.

Kenny sat down at one of the super long tables with a bunch of the boys in his class. Every boy seemed just as boring as the next.

"My name is Dustin," the black haired boy with glasses said.

"Kenny."

"Well on behalf of everyone in our class, I would just like to welcome you to North Park Academy."

"Yeah, I heard that same shit earlier this morning from that one Rachel girl."

All the boys at the table gasped.

"What was that word you just said??" Dustin asked, shocked.

"...Shit?" Kenny should have thought before he said that.

"We don't accept foul mouthed bad boys at our table. Please exit now." Dustin said, pointing away.

"Okay." Damn these kids were weird.

Kenny ended up eating lunch at the far end of a table where no one else was. He didn't like this new school one bit.

Later, at recess, Kenny looked around the playground for someone to play with. He spotted that Rachel girl, sitting at a picnic table across the playground. She was obviously working on homework of some sort She was all alone. Rachel was the only person who had not seemed to mind him so far, so he wandered that way.

"Hi, Rachel." he said.

"Oh...it's you." Rachel said, taking her reading glasses off.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh...I was just beginning to work on my math homework. I hate math."

"Me too! I'm not bothering you, am I?"

"Well...maybe a little bit. But I really don't mind." Rachel said, closing her book.

"Ok good! I don't think anyone else here really likes me too much."

"They'll come around. Don't worry."

Kenny smiled. He had made a new friend, and her name was Rachel.

A/N: I'm not trying to make fun of Catholic schools in any way...so if you go to one I'm sorry if I offended you! I went to Catholic school through preschool to sixth grade so thats how this particular idea for the chapter kind of came to me. Keep an eye out for the next chapter!


	5. A Letter to Home

Chapter 5

**A Letter to Home**

Kenny sat at his desk with a blank sheet of notebook paper and a pen in his hand.

**_Dear Everybody,_**

**_My new school sucks ass. The entire thing is run by nuns and all the kids that go there are fucking fags._**

**_I said the word shit and now everyone thinks I'm a loser. Oh, except for this one girl Rachel but she's _**

**_kinda like the rest of them anyway. And no, I'm not totally hot for her to answer your question. She's_**

**_pretty but she's as boring as watching grass grow. But I guess we're friends. I hope Cartman is recovering_**

**_Okay from his shock from my taser. Sorry dude, but you pissed me off. Okay I gotta go...I got an assload_**

**_of homework. Bye!_**

**_-Kenny_**

He sealed and addressed the envelope before running outside to put it in the box. He looked around warily as he was outside, but the fates had been extra kind to him lately...no accidents or anything of that sort. Then he ran back inside to get started on his homework. It was frickin hard. He didn't understand one word of anything he was supposed to be doing. Too bad he didn't have Rachel's number...Rachel. He couldn't seem to get the girl off his mind, even though he really didn't have any feelings for her at all. She was really nice though, and easy to talk to. If the guys knew thats what he thought about her though, they would totally rip on him. But it's true. They were friends and friends only.

"Dad!" Kenny called, "I don't understand my homework!!!!"

"Look it up in the dictionary or something!" he called back.

Typical, Kenny thought to himself. He missed South Park very much, even though it had only been about a day. He had grown up there, and North Park was Dullsville compared to South Park. He wanted very much to die all of the sudden, but with the whole death thing he seemed to be having a miserable case of good luck. He eventually just threw his homework aside, since he could probably pay one of the kids in his class to do it for him. That seemed to be the process lately...if you can't do something or don't want to do something, pay someone to do it for you. He was getting bored of having people live his life for him though.

**THE FIELD MANSION**

Rachel worked busily on her geography homework. It was fairly easy, but that didn't mean that she actually wanted to do it. She gazed at the digital clock on her desk. 6:59 was what the bright red letters said. In approximately 3 seconds, her mom would knock on the door and ask her if she was done with her homework.

"3...2...1" Rachel said to herself.

There was a knock at the door, "Rachel honey!" her mom said softly, "Are you finished with your homework?"

"Almost, mother!" she replied automatically.

"Okay, sweetie!"

She finished up her homework and went to the bathroom. She studied herself in the stand up mirror against the wall and took her reading glasses off. An improvement, she thought. However, she was so sick of wearing those stupid braids her mother insisted she wore in her hair every day. She pulled them out and then studied herself again. Then she styled it in a couple different ways and after she was done playing with her hair, she sighed. She wished her parents wouldn't care so much. Just a little freedom was all she wanted. Well, yeah, they spoiled her, but it was just too much of a good thing.

She left the bathroom and gazed once again at the digital clock. 7:01...just in time to watch Terrance and Philip. She had started watching it lately in secret on the television in her room. Her parents didn't know, of course. She pulled out a pair of headphones and plugged them into the tv. After half an hour of farting and fun, Rachel felt better. She liked keeping this from her parents...they knew everything about her except that she watched that show every night. She giggled to herself.

**SOUTH PARK, A DAY LATER**

The letter had arrived at Stan's house where Kenny had addressed it, but Kenny knew Stan would show it to everybody anyway, which is exactly what he did.

"Hey guys," he said, with the envelope in his hand, "I got a letter from Kenny!"

"Lemme see that!" Cartman said, grabbing the letter from Stan. He mumbled what it said to himself as he read it and Kyle looked over his shoulder.

"Wait your turn, you Jewish piece of shit!" Cartman yelled.

"Don't make fun of my religion!" Kyle yelled back.

Cartman finished reading the letter and then Kyle read it.

"Hey, looks like Kenny found himself a girlfriend!" Kyle exclaimed.

"No, butt pipe, he said here that she wasn't!" Stan said.

"Ass farmer," Kyle muttered.

"Shut up! Hey...maybe we should go see Kenny today." Stan said, "Just us guys, Cartman. Don't bring Megan."

"Why the hell not?" Cartman asked, offended.

"Because you drag her around like a fucking security blanket."

"How would you know, gaywad?"

"Because it's kinda obvious!" Stan replied.

"Whatever. You're just jealous ONE, cuz I have a girlfriend and you don't and TWO, you're afraid Kenny will give me all his money if I go with you guys! Well..."

"Yeah we know...'screw you guys, I'm going home' " Kyle said.

"That's right! Later!" and he left.

"It's probably better if Cartman doesn't go anyways. Kenny probably doesn't wanna see him anyway." Stan said, "Come on. I can probably get my parents to drive us up. North Park is only about 10 minutes away."

**KENNY'S HOUSE**

"Oh wow," Sharon said as she stepped out of the car.

"It's hard to believe that the McCormicks live here...we better make sure this is the right address." Randy said.

"No, dad. This is Kenny's house! It says right here on the envelope!" Stan said, holding the letter up.

The butler let them in and Kenny greeted Stan and Kyle.

"Hey guys!" Kenny said cheerfully, "Where's fat ass?"

"He didn't huh?"

"Yeah thats fuckin awesome! Wanna see my room?"

Kenny showed Stan and Kyle his new bedroom. Their jaws dropped as soon as they walked in.

"Man, good thing Cartman didn't come. He'd be so pissed off right about now!" Kyle said.

"So does your new school really suck that hard?" Stan asked Kenny.

"Yeah, it does. I hate it!" Kenny said angrily.

"Dude, then why don't you just transfer back to South Park?"

Kenny contemplated the idea for a minute. Hell yeah, he wanted to go back. But part of him wanted to stay at this new school...just for a little while longer.

"No way, dude!" Kenny said, "I can't do that! All the kids at school will think I'm a total pussy if I transfer back after only ONE day!"

"Oh come on Kenny," Kyle said, "All the kids sound like fags anyway. And they sound like they hate you. They won't give a shit."

"Just a couple more days..." Kenny said, his voice trailing off.


End file.
